*Sigh*

Literally, that’s the first thing I did after writing the title. I have to because this topic really bothered me (and a lot of other married women) when it was shared with us yesterday so I decided to share our take on the whole comparison between Cardi B. (and others who are categorized to be like her) and the perceived “Proverbs 31” woman.

For those who don’t know, Cardi B is a reality TV star and, more recently, one of the hottest female rappers out right now. Her single “Bodak Yellow” is one of the most hype songs out and she’s been featured on a few other radio hits in the past few months. She’s dope. She’s also recently engaged. If you haven’t seen the proposal, you can check out Billboard’s article on it. It was a nice proposal and though I have my personal opinions on how it went down, it was beautiful to see Cardi so excited and I was genuinely happy for them. And so was everyone I saw talking about it on social media.

Then this happened.

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Now I don’t know who posted this. It was shared in a wives group that I’m a part of, but it was disgusting to read. This basically brings back the whole “heaux be winning” debate. Basically saying, women who pride themselves on being chaste or classy are struggling on the singles’ bus, while women who are vulgar and loose are catching husbands left and right.

First issue: This creates a divide among women yet again. One of the wives in the group mentioned, “To me it’s just another attempt to have black women mad at each other like we gotta pick sides. 🙄 For every Cardi B getting proposed to there’s another woman who is, by the looks of it, doing things “right” [and] getting proposed to as well. We have plenty of black media outlets highlighting those too. No one knows the details of either relationship and if it’s even truly anything to be striving for anyway. No reason to feel any type of way about either. Just let people live” (LB).

Can we not just be happy for Cardi without drawing a line in the sand and assuming that “wholesome” women, who are single, have to hate on this woman and compare their situation to hers?

Second issue: So we’re just going to assume that the persona Cardi B puts out for everyone to see is all she’s about or who she really is? The poster of the above statement is basically suggesting that Cardi B is the opposite of a Proverbs 31 woman, which biblically speaking could be seen as a Jezebel (1 Kings 16) or woman at the well (James 4), who was forgiven by Christ, just FYI. As another millennial wife in the group, where this was shared, said, “People don’t know what that woman is really like or who she strives to be. God loves everyone and we have the same chances to repent and do better every day” (LM).

We have to stop acting like we know everyone’s life just because they’re on TV or in other media outlets. Stop assuming that what you see is how they’re really living.

“What [people] fail to realize is…WE DON’T KNOW HER RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST. Yes, she is vulgar, etc., but we don’t know how she prays at night.

The same people who holler, “Judge lest ye be judged” to others when controversial topics arise are the same ones who judge these celebrities based off the images they allow us to see.

“What [people] fail to realize is…WE DON’T KNOW HER RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST. Yes, she is vulgar, etc., but we don’t know how she prays at night. It’s so easy to judge what we think [people] deserve when only God can decide that. Mary Magdalene was a prostitute, but Jesus still loved her, blessed her and treated her like a woman of God, nothing less, even when His disciples thought she wasn’t. So to me, if a person finds themselves looking down on a person like Cardi [then] their heart isn’t in the right place and that could be why they aren’t being “chose.” If your heart is envious or if you’re comparing others’ blessings to your lack thereof, then you need God to move a little more in your heart. A loving heart wouldn’t see fault in it” (CL).

Third issue: IF Cardi (or other women perceived to be like her televised image) truly lives the life she publicizes, so what! Does that mean she can’t find happiness? There’s a stigma that surrounds women who once lived like hell, making all kinds of relational mistakes and suddenly, they find love with a good man. Examples include R&B singer, Ciara and actress, Meagan Good, who have both found good men and settled down after dating men who are perceived to be thugs or bad boys. These women are continuously being bashed by social media for previously indulging in wild lifestyles with old flings and now are in healthy marriages. It’s sickening how women like this are judged. While I personally don’t feel Cardi falls into the exact same category as these ladies, her situation relates in that she is seen as a woman who, by society’s standards (or at least by this poster’s standards), is unworthy of marriage, and that’s simply an unfair assertion.

This wife said it best: “Who told folks that God only loves Proverbs 31 Women? Who set the standard that God neglects the need of people who don’t go by the book? Whatever label or category this person decided to put Cardi B in assumes that God doesn’t love her the same. This is farthest from the truth. The only thing this statements highlights for me, is this person [doesn’t] know who God is. He loves all his children just the same. One sin isn’t higher than the next. And we don’t know what God is doing in her heart” (TP).

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To the original poster of this divisive statement, how are you living, while you’re out here not only judging Cardi B’s lifestyle (instead of celebrating her with us), but also tearing down women who are trying to live like God intended in a dying world? It might be best for you to put down the ladle you’re using to stir the pot and think about how you’ll have to answer for your own life’s choices when it’s all said and done.

Congratulations to Cardi B and Offset. It is my prayer that they are successful in their union because regardless of who you are, how you live your life and who you live for, marriage is work. It is rewarding, it’s a blessing, but it takes work to make it last. And maybe that’s why it’s happening for them right now, because they have what it takes to make it. Everybody, including some “Proverbs 31” women may not be in that place yet.

And to those women, I say, take your time and remain prayerful. It’s all about God’s timing. Not some contemptible social media user, who suggests that things won’t work out in your favor for living righteously. Trust and believe, they will.

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